-NOTHING IN BETWEEN-

it's life after all..

2010-03-19T01:02:00.003Z

I havent write any post for at least 2 changing seasons.
a lot had happened since then..n here it goes..

summer 09-

had a great time with Hunky Dorys.
had only one date with my beau. the usual popcorn n movie date.
had to resit my first yeat examination. luckily, b gv me his undivided support by going through all the trouble to be with me during that 2weeks time.
had a blast raya. though the annual drama remains.

autumn 09-

first sem of second year.not much.
been skipping class n sleeping excessively.

winter 09/10-

went to Istanbul n Athens wif great travel buddies. had a really good time. well, couldnt escape the drama, as alwiz.
took my winter exam, without much preparation (im the last minute queen:D). luckily, God still wanna gv me some chance, n i passed.yay!
went for post exam vacation to Budapest, Salzburg, Prague n Cesky Krumlov. the best 2 weeks i ever had!thanx b!!love ya!
immediately two days after, i started a living hell in Beaumont Hospital. n still at it.
had a sort of get together with the Hunky Dorys. went for the Cardiff FOD for Ainna's birthday. i lost my purse, n found it again, 30minutes later, reinforcing the title 'drama queen' even more. u should have been there. witness it, n i'll be ur joke for the rest of my life.

spring 10-

spring has come!yay!!its sunnier, warmer n more lively here in Dublin.
but my soul haven't been that springy like the blossoming daffodils, it seemed.relationship drama, family issues, self doubt, n etc2..n i even lose myself for a few days before. depression got a better hold of myself.but im slowly getting better, with the help of those who really cares;)

thus, spring is, for me, a season for being grateful for the people around me who no matter how ugly i am, or how stupid i am, or how nasty my temper is, they never leave side, n keep telling me how much i am loved, n how much i matter to them, with or without the blood-tie.

thanx k.ipa, for being my second mom.for all those encouraging words.
thanx razeen, for being able to still love me n care for me, though i showed u my not-pleasant-at-all true self.
thanx quila, for being the sister i never had.
thanx lipan, for being the coolest listener cum advisor.

n the others, thanx for juz being with me, n being someone that i can call a 'true friend'.u know who u r.

the tastebuds.

2010-03-15T19:24:00.002Z

ibarat kopi kopi ais tanpa gula.
pahit.
plus, the lingering after taste.

kadang2 rasa macam kordial sarsi murah yang xsedap tu.
tawaq hebiaq bak kata org kedah.

bila la agaknya boleh rasa yg sedap plak?
yg manis mcm ribena blackcurrant tu?
masam n manis nya sekata.

dh rasa macam nk give up ni.
dh xmau rasa apa2 dh.

i'll be gone..for a while.

2009-08-15T18:44:00.002+01:00

i've deactivated my social networking site account.

if u feel like reaching out to me,
feel free to.

by mobile or YM.

ouh, n im thinking of staying away from this blog page also.
yes, for a while.maybe weeks, if not months.

juz dun miss me ok?hehe.

im 20 years, 2 months and 9 days old..

2009-08-14T17:50:00.002+01:00

it is not for another 10months that i'll get the key to freedom.
i may look older than my real age, or u may think that im mature enuf,
or, it may be juz plain fatherly love and wanting me to be happy n safe,
or whatever da reason is, STOP HINTING ME ON MARRIAGE!!

i may laugh or crack jokes each time u mention it to me, but deep down, i feel so much PRESSURED!

nak kawen dengan siapa??isk!!!nak kutip mane2 laki tepi jalan tu, pastu tanye, 'nk kawen ngan saye x?'

im juz 20years old, for god's sake!! baru 20 tahun dh mcm ni, klau dh 25tahun?mau berapi telinga dengar segala hint2 tu.

'if u already have someone in mind that u want, y not just get married?'

pergh.if only it's that easy.if only the time is rite.if only and if only and if only..well, apparently no guy wants me THAT MUCH..i mean, till he's willing to sacrifice his teenage life for a marriage? mane ade laki mcm tu, ok?? (abah is an exception!)

'xde ke sape2 kat ireland tu yg adik berkenan?'

no.n xde sape pon yg nk bkenan kt adik.enuf said.wua!!patheticnye dgr.:(

'abah dulu umur adik dh kawen dh..'

errr? abah tu special case...case yg trlampau special.

'abah x kesah pon adik kawen ms belajar..laki ngan ppuan ni, klau dh suke, elok kawen je, kapel2 x ke mane..'

xdak sapa nk kawen ngan adik la!!!isk.penat btul nk buat abah paham.

'nak abah carikan ke?'

big GULP.hahahahahhaa.abah, jom tukar topik?

abah..i know u r afraid of me getting hurt by all this waiting..i know u want me to juz be happy instead of getting my eyes all red n puffy each nite. i know that u can read my mind and see the 'me' that is hurting inside, though i didn't even mention anything to u. maybe u r afraid u dun live long enuf to see me getting married,or maybe, for u, a good guy may be the cure that i need all this while to make me feel secured again..

but i dun know, i really dun know.
juz please, enuf with all the pressure.
i dun need another wrinkle on my forehead.
i dun need another topic for my mind and my heart to debate on.

all i wish for now,
is a good nite sleep without all those weird and heartbreaking dreams.
is a mind free from all problems and worrying thoughts.
is a heart n soul that dun get green wif envy easily

u dun have to find me a guy, juz crack some old lame jokes of urs, and i'll be ur happy little girl again..

dun worry too much abah.i love u.

2009-08-13T17:31:00.001+01:00

'nothing worth having comes easy..'

well, that's something to b pondered on.

between the truth and the illusions..

2009-08-11T08:49:00.003+01:00

tut tut..tut tut..
seemed like forever.

no answer.

the little girl picked up the phone again,
dialing for the eleventh time.

tut tut..tut tut..
tut tut..tut tut..

'hello?'
'daddy, i miss you!!!'
'i miss u too my little princess.have u eaten?'
'yes, i have. when r u coming back home?'

silence.

'daddy? u still there?'
'yes2.'
'daddy dun wanna see me nmore is it? does daddy hate me?'
'how could i hate my baby? let's see..daddy will come pick u up at school tomorrow around noon.then we'll stay overnight at daddy's place ok?'
'u promise?'
'PROMISE.'
_________________________________________________________________________________

'mummy, daddy said he'll come pick me up tomorrow. so, mummy doesn't have to come fetch me in the evening, ok?'
'daddy won't come sayang..'
'he will.he will.he promised me!'

she didn't have the heart to hurt her child.she could tell that the little girl's heart was bouncing wif joy. her excitement radiated from her innocent face, enough to brighten up her complexion.it has been long since she last smiled.

'okay sayang, call mummy if you need anything..'

or if daddy doesn't come. she added in silence whisper.
__________________________________________________________________________________

'is my daughter still here?'
'oh, she's in the playground. seemed to b persistently waiting for her dad to pick her up.'
'how long has she been waiting?'
'since noon i think. didn't take her lunch though. she said she's gonna eat with her daddy.'

she glanced at her Elba's watch. it's half past 5.

_______________________________________________________________________________

there she was,her little princess.
alone and lonely, looking so dejected.

she advanced further.discreetly.
the little girl looked up. hoping and wishing.
no, it's not her daddy.

her eyes started to well up wif tears.

'but mummy..daddy promised me..he promised he will come.he promised!!'

that child broke down.
her little heart shattered into pieces
her little body trembled in her mummy's arms.
deep inside,the girl was hurting all over.

'hush, my love. mummy's here.mummy comes to pick u up'

this wasn't the first time.
and this won't be the last either.
little girl would keep on being hurt,
by unkept promises she chose to believe in..

2009-08-05T11:21:00.003+01:00

i've been dancing alone to the rhythm of tango,
walking, moving, twirling, phantoming a romance,
from afar, i could hear the audience laughing
while my heart aching, my mind exhausted.

im walking away from the troubles in my life

2009-08-03T16:05:00.001+01:00

im as confused as ever.

you're telling me, life is life.

2009-08-02T17:39:00.002+01:00

thank you my childhood fren.

though i found u annoying at times,
u sure gave me good advices on life,

ur help is very2 much appreciated.
let's stay frens till forever?.

XOXO

i am twenty and i am already exhausted.

2009-08-02T09:53:00.002+01:00

this Elizabeth Wurtzel, great minds think alike, huh?

“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted.” dharmabum1102
Elizabeth Wurtzel quote

taken from: http://thinkexist.com/quotes/elizabeth_wurtzel/

i think i'll disappear for a while
im gonna run away from this brutal reality,
gonna go find a place to unwind n seek tranquility.

where? somewhere u won't bump into me.
when? the sooner the better.
who? me,myself and I
why? depression has taken its toll on me.

we'll meet again.i'll write 2 u.
till then, wish me a safe journey!

XOXO.

2nd august it is, the first sunday of the month of august.

2009-08-02T00:00:00.000+01:00

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!!

" Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival. "
- C. S. Lewis

to all my frens out there,
(those that i regard as frens,n
those that in their hearts, i am one).
thank you.
because of you,
my survival has a value.

XOXO

it turns out that we r not meant for each other, but i'll never forget the way you fulfilled my every wish

2009-08-01T15:01:00.009+01:00

above: say bye2 to my 2 years old sweetheart.he's been a dear to me, putting up wif my careless n not-so-gentle nature. see that crack on the right side of the last pic?that's his reason of leaving me. no warning, no sign. an out-of-the-blue goodbye.

below: my new baby.
another red in the house (the first is my olympus camera that i got last 6months)
cost me rm470 dat i charged into my credit card.:(
thought i juz wanna buy a very2 cheap one, but i ended up falling into the salesman's trap.
damn you mr salesman.
nokia express music. ni jela den mampu nk beli secara impromptu.huhu

the misery continues..

2009-07-31T17:01:00.002+01:00

im back to cholestrol reducing oatmeal.
n wholemeal bread,
n fruit juices,
n high calcium ANLENE.

im gonna befriend the yoga mat,
the sport shoes,
n the dumbells
for another one month.

no rice.
no more neslo ais.
n no more nasi lemak in the morn.

*cries*:(

y cant i have the freedom to eat anything that i want?huhu

It is not the form that dictates the color, but the color that brings out the form.

2009-07-31T15:25:00.003+01:00

Amethyst by Raymond A. Foss

Haunting, warming color

amethyst glass, showing itself

out of the dirt at the bottle dump

Sitting pristine in the corner cabinet

catching the light

shade of violet, paling skin, transparent,

translucent, quartz

emergent color

glinting in the sun

woohooo!! I bought myself coloured contact lense at last!

oh no, u r not gonna see me wearing dis,

not till next month.

haha.SAYANG kot nak pakai!!

yeah, the color is amethyst.

n im gonna b, 'the girl wif purple eyes.'

classic.:D

you can talk all u want but my skin is really thick im the leader of the crowd and my game is really slick

2009-07-30T07:59:00.002+01:00

IM UNSTOPPABLE.

i've tolerate enough.
u play it like u own me n dis game.
im not ur pawn nor ur lawn.
n ur words are not the only command.

we've play it ur way.
NOW IT'S MY TURN.
U N ME TOGETHER, MY WAY.
yes, im a bitch.i knw.

i love u forever, till death do us apart..

2009-07-29T18:14:00.000+01:00

QUILA dear. thanx for the fabulous 2 days.
had so much fun wif u!

please please please b my bestie forever.
u really bring out the 'me' inside.

syg kamu!

p/s: sorry, no pic.

“Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.”

2009-07-28T10:31:00.001+01:00

my souvenier from Czech.
now let's juz cross our fingers,
n pray hard that the giver won't let the love disappear nor forgotten.

XOXO

penyatuan dua jiwa, penyatuan dua keluarga..

2009-07-26T21:32:00.001+01:00

AHMAD IQMER NASHRIQ dan AINI MARINA

or, abg long n k.ayie

26 julai 2009, dewan banquet UPM

above: souveniers for the guests.

below: the rehearsal night

below: the reception day.

the MOM n DAD. n the new adjourned family.

and..the girls 'penyeri majlis' :D

SEMOGA BERBAHAGIA ABG LONG N K.AYIE

MAY GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!

i keep coming back.y oh y?

2009-07-25T11:45:00.003+01:00

dis is juz like the moment when i was 11.
the thoughts of running away kept occurring,
but somehow i found myself not moving anywhere,
even juz 4 one inch.

yes, im afraid of changes.

yes, im a attention seeker.

yes, i still want what i alwiz wanted.

im 20 now, but i havent changed.

tell me now,
am i doing the right thing?

no use. even im on the wrong,
my fickle mind would alwiz made me come back,
to where i belong perhaps?

WHERE DO I BELONG?
i dun know.
i wanna know.
but still, i havent got the answer.
wanna wait?
yes, urm.no...urm..maybe.
WHAT THE HECK??!!

what to do?
what to do?
what to do?

rite now, the decision is:
im staying.
dunno till when.
but IM STAYING.

FICKLE minded!!!!
i officially blame abah for the gene.

i called out for you..but u didn't answer back

2009-07-24T14:04:00.002+01:00

where do i belong?
tell me plz. i dun know anymore.

'skinny jeans and weighing scale hate me. but sure not curly hair!'

2009-07-23T16:23:00.005+01:00

yo peeps!
woke up dis morning, n suddenly felt the urge to makeover myself.
5minutes later, i was already on my way to my trusted RED2 saloon.
yeah, spent a lot of MONEY n TIME,
and 3 hours later, the results were:
1) camera that's now sick of me camwhoring.
2) 2GB memory card that is full of my vain pics.
3) picked up maktok for breakfasting, almost didnt recognize me n she went...'sebab nk pi kenduri kawen tu ka yg buat rmbut baru tu?'

hehe.a very understanding maktok.yup2.im off to KL tomorrow for Auntie Rok's son's wedding.
had promised 2 b the bunga telur girl.nak x nak, kenala do some makeover.;P

oh, btw, my blog objectives 4 today are:

u need no skinny jeans, nor micro mini skirt, nor dresses in size 2 or 4, nor revealing sexy halter top.
who cares if u r not 120 pounds, or have the hour-glass figure, or flat abs and skinny legs?
now lazy bums, grab ur wallet and car key, call ur most trusted hairdresser, n ready to woo the others around u!

n yes, without shedding any weight.hehe.

CHEERS!:p

' u can easily succeed in ur career, but not in married life'

2009-07-22T17:25:00.003+01:00

thanx abah, for frightening me out.
thanx for the endless collection of advices n guidance.

oh, and some more..

the arguments bout polygamy (which u 100% supported),
the stories bout unmarried woman n widow around ur place.
the hadith and quotes from Quran bout the responsibility of a wife.

yeah, im running for the exit now.

U SCARED THE HELL OUTTA ME!

im back to writing for the sake of.........my DAD.

2009-07-22T16:05:00.002+01:00

yes, it's been a while.

im back to my relationship drama.
back to my giddy HUNKY DORYs
im back to crash dieting.
yes, im back to horse riding n golf,only to find out that im not born to b physically active.

oh, not to forget,
the weekly cerekarama of my family.

PPUUURRR-FECT.

note for myself..

2009-05-31T22:29:00.002+01:00

stop comparing urself with others lina..
just stop.

live ur life.not others'

u'll get better one day.
juz keep on believing this.

b strong.u got no one else except ur own self.

2009-05-30T21:56:00.005+01:00

dont make somebody as a PRIORITY

while they made u as only an OPTION.

meant for u.u knw who u r.

2009-05-30T15:53:00.002+01:00

this night is a blessing
the day that we met
the moon is out in the sky
and the stars are smiling

i wish that ur smile
won't be erased as i pray
for these happy days
to always continue

on the nights i spend alone
i keep thinking of you
even if i call you
and i complain

honestly thats not what
i really meant to do
did u already know
and just act like u didnt?

when there are hard times
if i'd just listen to ur voice for a moment
i could forget everything
and laugh it off

i was so fortunate
to be able to meet you
because you'd make me smile
by just being near

i could find you
even if you go far away over there
because youre smiling
inside of me

it's possible to fight
after a long time
but even if that happens
i wont ever change

i promise,
i swear under the heavens
i'll pray beneath the moon
to never make u cry

far into the future
if youre ever worn n tired
think about the happy
and beautiful memories

we plant faith
in each other's garden and happiness blooms
i'll send you the keys
to my heart

(haha.cheesy lyrics i know.but i like the song anyway)

kudaku gagah berani

2009-05-30T01:21:00.007+01:00

i miss horse-riding.

i miss the horse 'primitive cool'

n no, i dun miss the smelly stable.

my uqail khaleef

2009-05-27T16:25:00.002+01:00

oh,,si rambut kerinting..
maksu rindu kamu!!!

nape rmbut kamu dh macam rambut 'maggi' maksu?

nanti maksu balik, kte pegi rebonding ok?

L.O.V.E

2009-05-25T02:03:00.002+01:00

OMG.
b, it's 2 years already!!!

25/5/07-25/5/09

aku rs, dlm banyak2 couple, kitorg la yg xde sape pun expect bleh cecah 2tahun.

WHY?

-Lina's bad temper and demanding nature.
-Razeen's temper also.but lesser degree.
-all the fights n dramas. we never exceed a week, without any arguments or fights.
-and what's not helping, nobody believe we can make it.api+api.marakla jdnye.

APRIL 2008. we got into arguments almost everyday, till both juz couldnt handle it nmore.
but..what to do, at that time both already developed strong feelings, but we're a match made in hell..but to break it off without reaching 1st year anniversary would b such a loss (or thats what we thought at dat moment). so, we braced ourselves, n continued on being strong. n made it to the 25th of may 2008.

SEPTEMBER 2008. everybody asked, 'boleh ke korang long distance ni?' my response was 'tu la, asyek gado je, xtaula cmne..' end result: we decided to try. the journey started.Lina to Ireland.Razeen to Czech.

JANUARY-MARCH 2009. whoa! dis was the toughest part so far. long distance really put relationships at stake. we almost called it a quit, but both learnt our lessons already.enuf said. he said he loves me n only me. n i believe him. i said i want only him.n he too, believe me. fullstop.

MAY 2009. my dear b, i dun need any material gifts from you. but i just ask for honesty, sincerity, loyalty n your unconditional love. thanx for being you, because of you, i learnt a lot. thanx for accepting me as i am. though i have a bad temper n is a spoilt youngest daughter n wants everything done my way, u patiently put up with all of these. i wanna apologize, for not being a good girlfren n not respecting u n not understanding u n has become quite a burden to u.
let's start afresh would we?

I LOVE YOU.IA, FOREVER AND ALWAYS. please keep ur promise to me bcoz i wanna keep mine.

p/s: i dun know how else can i express my feelings to dis guy i love, except through my blog.if i said it directly to him, he wud juz brush it off n not tk my words seriously. 'eleh, yela tu' or 'poyo' or even worse, *no response*. my blog is the only thing he took seriously of. (banyak kali kot perang besar sebab what i wrote in dis blogs). so, dat's the reason why majority of my posts r about him, or dedicated to him.FORGIVE ME for that.:D

ini makcik mata bulat

2009-05-24T23:01:00.000+01:00

the one wearing the blue scarf is now officially 31. she is an ENT medical officer doing her Master at the same time, happily married to a hardworking n family man Shahronny Saad, and also a proud mother of a year-old active boy, Uqail Khaleef. Plus, she's also a so-called mother to her 3 younger siblings, the youngest making her life even more miserable than it already is.

oh, this is SHIFA ZULKIFLI. the oldest child of Zulkifli Othman n arwah Siti Zainab.yes, i mean the OLDest.31 is old rite? but juz hope the wirnkles won't appear juz yet.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY K.IPA!!I LOVE YOU! (of coz i can only say that in blog, i'll die if im forced to say it in person)

i have a new husband.

2009-05-22T20:22:00.003+01:00

my obsession is getting out of control.

i cant believe i registered as a member in his overseas fan club.
heechul is a flower.
fans r his petals.

WTH??

im going crazy.*dush*

credits to www.heechul-petals.com

shud i?

2009-05-20T21:39:00.004+01:00

what is more heartbreaking,
than seeing ur beloved one
get hurt or in pain,
realizing the main reason
behind it is you?

what to do if all i can bring is misery instead of laughs n smiles
to the face of my cherished one?

im a bad influence.
im a burden.
u r better off without me.

maybe i shud gv everything up?

huhu~

2009-05-20T13:58:00.002+01:00

i dun mind if a guy shed tears once in a while.
it shows that he's touched.
i dun mind if a guy shows his feminine side once in a while.
it shows he's sensitive.
the key word here, ONCE IN A WHILE.

huhu~.love u guys!

i have a 'thing' for hot guys;P

2009-05-19T19:08:00.004+01:00

the nearer it is to the exam date, the more n more procrastinating i become..
i'll alwayz come up with something for me to addict myself to.
during IB exam, it was KAT-TUN, and YAMAPI.
well now, it's time for K-pop fever!!check dis out!

intro: dis group is called super junior(SuJu).lame, i know.well, what to do?consits of 13 members (Leeteuk-the leader.Heechul-the feminine one n also my fave.KangIn-the 'macho' one.Donghei-the super cute.Sungmin-the soft spoken.Eunhyuk-the rapper.Kibum-the perfect male.Kyuhyun-best voice n my fave. Hangkyung-the chinese n also my fave.Siwon the gentleman. Ryeowook-the talented one.Yisung-the youngest i think.Shindong-the plus size)

i think dis is the latest single. It's You drama version.

and this is the dance version.

and this is 'Sorry Sorry' which won the most award so far.

i can't resist to put up this one too.'Sorry Sorry' lyrics translated.

oh, and dis, my fave of all time!

ENJOY!!!!!!!!

syurga ek?

2009-05-17T23:43:00.000+01:00

jannah, bukan aku letak gmbar ni sbb aku nk tunjuk aku kurus dulu, tp sebab aku dh xde gambar laen dh nk letak.xbyk gambr ko dlm simpanan aku.halal la ek?hehe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANNAH SAYANG!! ko dh lame tau kan aku syg ko?so, xyahla aku nk emphasize lagik kn?

aku hope ko 'teruja' ngan skype conference aku wat utk ko tuh.even sore aku sucks pon. tapi i tried my best dh utk kumpul all the hunky dories utk skype conference tu. tp still, xleh nk kumpul smua.sorry ek my dear. hope u had a blast! and sorry yg pasal terlupe nk wish ko 2thn lepas tu.hehe

i miss my pillar of strength.

2009-05-11T10:08:00.001+01:00

today is 11th may.

yes, hari ni bday idazureen ismas ismail. a fren yg i got close to since dtg dublin.
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY IDA!

but most importantly, 11th may tu bday arwah mama.
semalam, 10th may is mother's day.

i still remember, i used to give Mama only one card since her bday is close to mother's day, jimat money, jimat effort.hehe.

when i was in primary school, i dun really know how to show my appreciation towards her yet. so i never gave her any card or any gifts.

but when i entered STF, i learned to appreciate my parents more. every year i wud post her cards that i made myself. im not someone creative or talented, so my cards alwiz turn out like kindergarten kids' piece of work.

but still, she posted all my cards on the board in her office room (she got her own room), showing off my hideous piece of art to everyone that entered the room.

a day after she left me to face our creator, my sister went to her office to collect all her stuffs from there. after she came back home carrying all the heavy boxes with my mother's stuffs in it, she said to me,

'mama paling syg adik, tau x?kat office die smua pnuh dgn cards yg adik bagi, n all ur documents, pictures, all about you..she's proud of u n love u da most.we all can tell'

no k.ipa, she loves all of us equally. but she never expressed it bfore bcoz that's the way she is.

Mama, i love you.im sorry im such a good-for-nothing daughter before.thank u mama, for every single thing, every single love, every single tears u shed silently for us. i really miss u mama.if only u r still here..if only i still have a mother of my own..

arwah SITI ZAINAB RAMAWAS always in remembrance..

p/s: trima kasih abah sebab buatkan majlis tahlil utk arwah mama..

melagha.

2009-05-10T19:21:00.001+01:00

'no one is better or worse than others, especially in relationships'

fulamak weyh!
woot.woot.
ni la consequence nye bile org len sebuk study utk final,
aku dok tgk cte korea plak.adoi.

the prettiest in my family.

2009-05-07T14:31:00.001+01:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOOR ELMIE ZULKIFLI!!!!

i love you my dear sis.
only u never wanna realise it.
aiya.
u r already 30 today.
hope u had great years ahead, years of joy n happiness.
together with ur 2 lovely sweethearts..

sorry that i dun have ur pic to put up here.(they r all in the old laptop)

p/s: to syauqi, epy birthday too! da 24th.

it's vague.

2009-05-05T20:38:00.002+01:00

ever feel like having smtg that u knw wont do any good for you?

the cigarettes, the drug, the over-eating, the procrastination,
the so-called cool-but-bad-frens, n bla..bla..bla..

of coz, it's a hard work,
u need to deny ur own wants n needs,
juz to have smtg bttr in da future,
which is still, very vague.

i will start dieting.
not literally, though.
n yeah, i will start denying.

another one.

2009-05-01T21:57:00.002+01:00

ok2.another adrenaline rush today.
im trying not to b over excited,
since u dun knw wht wud happen 2morow.

but, i cant help.
iA, mya n razeen is coming dis june!!!
woot.woot.
my besties r coming to town!
kk Lina, enuf.cool down.

i dun knw y, but each time it's near da exam,
i wud miss al lthe great things back in my home town.
i miss horse-riding.
i miss learning to play golf frm my dad.
i miss the late nights chit chat wif my no 1 fren.ABAH.
yeah, kedai kopi chit chat at any mamak's.
to top it all, i miss my jewels.
they must have forgotten their Maksu already.:(

one day, i told abah, im going back in another * months,
then here what he said,

'abah pegi morning walk pagi tadi.
nak fit kan badan n maybe lose some kilos
bfore adik balik,
nanti boleh buat macam2 aktiviti ngan adik.
boleh gi horse-riding same2.'

abah, terharunye saye!abh nk kurus utk adik ek?
(aku pon x diet, abah plak nk diet.adeh.)

adrenaline rush.

2009-04-29T18:42:00.002+01:00

im so happy today!!
glenye happy okeh.

rumah dh settle..i need to pay 365euro on my behalf per month.
yela..dh dpt single, kena la byr lebih.#
housemates laen 315euro je..:(
but nway, thanx housemates, for letting me hv da single room.

dh jumpe landlord.
glenye baek die tuh.
ok, sy suke my landlord.

duet melayang 730 euro sbb kena byr deposit+may rent.
n sadly, ktorang xdpt summer rent.
kena byr fully.
imagine, 365euro out of my acc evry months even whn im in msia 4 da whole 3months.
sgt sucks kan?
benci!!!klau simpan lagik bagus wehhhhhh!!!

kena pindah on may.
umah skrg pun kena byr gak may rent.
xleh pndh short notice cmtu je..sedey..melayang 290 euro.argh!
its all bout money, money,money.:(

tp xpe, pkir on da bright side.
i can have lipan wif me evry month.
lepas ni nk pujuk mya plak dtg.
yay!!!double yayyyy!!
ok2..lets not b 2 excited ok?

till then, muahxx!

thanx.

2009-04-29T18:21:00.002+01:00

we go up,
we go down.

little did i realise how important frenship is 2 me.
till NOW.

im sorry i took u guys for granted bfore.
but for now, i'll learn to stand on my own feet.

conclusion: i love u fairuz.we all love u!(hehe)

i dun knw..

2009-04-27T23:05:00.002+01:00

HITAM or PUTIH.

nggak tau dong.

aku KELIRU.

aku tau, klau aku explain kat sape2, smua org akan kate,
aku juz mencari alasan..

the truth is, im not ready yet.
n org akan reply balik,
'tapi nak tunggu sampai bile Lina?'

bile tgh enjoy si hitam, aku pndg pd rakan2 yg putih,
terdetik dalam hati, 'kan best klau jd mcm diorg..'

bile tgh cekal hati menjadi putih,
terdetik pulak, 'aku x sanggup lagi jd putih spnuhnye..'
kadang2 si hitam pndai menggembirakan ati aku.

masalahnye..tiada istilah kelabu..
n aku juga tidak mahu menjadi kelabu..
seperti kapal yg belayar tanpa arah tuju.
aku ektremis.itu aku.

aku mahu menjadi putih..aku ingin.
bukan kerna 'dicuci',
bukan kerna pengaruh environment..
tp kerna aku rs itulah root aku,
putih tu ssuatu yg plg suit jiwa aku.
cuma...
ah, cuma lagi..aku pnuh dgn alasan..
entahlah sampai bile..
tapi yg aku tahu..
aku blum mampu, aku blum bsedia..

gv me some time..
setakat ni.hanye 'cuma' dan 'cuma' dan 'cuma'
yang mampu terluah..

(.....)

2009-04-24T00:47:00.002+01:00

picture says a thousand words..

:)

2009-04-21T23:51:00.002+01:00

haha.im touched.

seeing two old people walking together hand in hand.
two old kerepot atuk n nenek.
who took a whole minute to walk even 3 steps.

fuhhhhh~~
Irish marriages sure last long..
n0wadays, there's no such thing anymore.

ahhh..i wish i wud get a blessed marriage one day.
bless me.

something lost and can never return..~

2009-04-17T22:28:00.003+01:00

the cool midnight air,
like a graceful hand,
softly wiped away da tears..

i dreamt of you.

the pale face of yours,
the smile that has long gone,
the voice that i longed to hear,

where have u been?
i asked.

i wanna come home to you.
i wanna kiss ur aging hand.
i wanna hug u while im sleeping.

y did u leave me!
i cried.

i have lost da desire to b anything.
i have lost the hunger for success.
i have lost a meaning to my life.

bcoz i have lost you.

it has juz been 16 years for me,
y must God take u away so suddenly?
forcing me 2 retreat quietly in envy,
while watching others having a reason 2 smile..

me n my daydream.

2009-04-15T17:35:00.002+01:00

if i got a single room all to myself nxt yer,
dis is what im gonna do

1)ask Lipan to come one wknd in a month
2)ask Mya to come another wknd
3)ask Mai n Ida to sleepover anothr wknd.
4)okay, another wknd is available.hurm..whats dis for eh?

adieu, sweet pea flower 4 you.

2009-04-14T00:05:00.012+01:00

frens r family dat we pick 4 ourselves. n i chose dis guys.

oh btw, these r some of the pics from my holiday in London.
SHERLOCK HOLMES MUSEUM, MADAME TUSSAUDS, LONDON EYE, LONDON DUNGEONS, BIG BEN, LONDON BRIDGE, EMIRATES STADIUM, PICCADILLY CIRCUS, TRAFALGAR SQUARE, GREENWICH, HARD ROCK CAFE LONDON, COVENT GARDEN, RESTORAN BONDA, MSD LONDON.
rase sgt malas nk upload gambar scenery.ckup2la ni. thanx B for making the effort 2 come all the way to London from Czech.i love u.
thanx Mya for having me around for almost 2weeks. i miss u already!thanx Ikhwan tolong jd tour guide. thanx Shukur Hisyam n Acap, meramaikan majlis. Lipan n Farah juge!

a love letter.

2009-03-29T00:35:00.006Z

hey you.

dis is specially for u.do read though u hate blogs.

i may seem insecure. i may seem clingy.
i may seem like i cnt survive dis time.

but u need 2 remember,
i survived my dear mom's death.
i survived my father's new marriage.
i survived my raging siblings.
n above all, i survived my first heartbreak,
all by my own.

i am not insecure, but it's juz that i wanna b better.
i am not clingy, it's juz that wif u, life seems brighter.

though now i seem weak, im tougher than any othr think i am.
i cant let go, not bcoz im stuck.but bcoz i nvr intend to let go.

n if u still dun know, im not someone who gv up easily.
i cnt give up even if i want to.
when i knw smtg is right for me, i'll stay committed.
i stay true. i dun deny.
i dun care what people say,
bcoz whats important to me is what i believe in,
n all in one, i believe in U n ME.

things r hard.things r difficult.
smtms i cnt stop thnking, maybe we r juz not 4 each othr.
but on the other hand, i cnt stop believing, we r each others',
from the start, all along...
tell me plz which to choose?

but all i know is that,
i wont let everything goes to waste.
the love, the tears, the joy, the smile, the laughters
esp the MEMORIES.

n u know what i chose?
i chose YOU.
even if everything is going wrong,
n my life is turning upside down,
evn if life is against me,
i cn never forget the way u looked at me,
n the way u make me laugh.
giving up is never an option.

i dun gv up on my love.it is juz da way i am.
u know me better.
I LOVE YOU.

wif lots of luv,
Lina.

makcik kepoh!

2009-03-27T20:55:00.000Z

DENA syg!!HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY!!!!

aku syg ko smpai bila2.thanx for always being there for me.
ko kena blajar paham aku nye sarcastic humor ok?

muahxxxxx!!SELAMAT MENJADI TUA!!

he's 21 today

2009-03-20T23:02:00.000Z

ini MOHD RAZEEN. he's the love of my life.he's my other half. n today, he turns 21. juz hope he doesnt use his key to freedom to do all nonsense stuffs, k? so unpredictable la u.aish.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEXY!

p/s: i hope u like my surprise.i hope u like the celebration. i hope u like me.hehe

another drama

2009-03-09T21:15:00.003Z

i wish i could run away..
run to a place far far away..

i wish i could hide..
never again stuck in this tide..

i wish i could delete all memories..
the pain n hurt, at least..

i wish i could leave all this behind..
all of those before were mine..

i wish i have the strength to let go..
y is it im afraid 2 do so..

i wish i could happily live,
with my mind n soul at peace..

i havent done anything bad to u guys before, y i deserved dis?
i feel like running away..away from all this pain n hurt..away from all the lies..
away from the love that is in my heart..but where cn i go?

love is no longer mine.
life is no longer mine.
happiness is no longer mine.
n my heart..is no longer mine..

the gorgeous puteri sofia nadira

2009-03-01T20:31:00.002Z

ofia!!! EPY 21st BDAY!! hope u had a blast!

may God bless u wif all the greatest gifts of life.
hope u will have more great years ahead!

muahxxx!

p/s: oh, she's the one wearing purple baju kurung.the prettiest one.:D

ainna jawaher.

2009-02-20T20:40:00.003Z

HAHA. i hope this babydoll won't read this post ever.or she's so gonna kill me after looking at dis pic. babydoll darling, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! u r 21.n u r old, ok?

act like someone old will ya?stop being so hyperactive n over-caffeinated.haish..

i love V!

2009-02-14T23:46:00.002Z

2nd valentine wif my dearest razeen. he post me dis cute card shaped of a flower. WHY flower?haha. that's our little secret.

vday 2008 is the sweetest ever!
we had bio test on valentine day. i was up all nite studying last minute for that test, while 'sms'ing razeen.he never stayed up bfore, so i already assumed, he's doing something for vday (i thought he was doing some handmade card)

well, apparently he didnt study for bio test the night before but instead, struggling to come out wif juz the exact thing we saw in the KLIA airport the weekend bfore.(all the chocolate shops promoting their vday special chocolates).

after class, when evryone's has gone back, without me expecting it, he knelt down in front of me and presented me wif this bouquet of hersheys kisses (made into flower-like bouquet). he did say some sweet n jiwang words during that time, but i was too shocked n embarrassed to even comprehend what he was saying.too dumbfounded to even respond.

(thats the handmade bouquet by Razeen.n Russ, first ever present from him)

well, since i didnt respond much, he assumed that i didnt like it n didnt appreciate his gestures.but, to tell u the truth syg, i couldnt force anything out of my mouth, n couldnt even smile since i was so damn happy at that time, takut klau nanti senyum tu jadi mcm kerang busuk plak.

u r so sweeetttttt!!u r so unpredictable.though this year we cant clbr8 it together, im so happy that u ensure that the vday card arrive on time in dublin.

p/s: thanx for the hard rock cafe tshirt. i still dun know what 2 gv u for vday present.

I LOVE YOU SEXY.1437.

lots of hugs and kisses for you. THANX n SORRY for everything darling.i am forever yours.

2 long weeks in a spill

2009-02-10T22:30:00.003Z

i miss my blog so much.but i juz dun have the time n enthusiasm 2 write 4 da last 2 weeks.

2 much things happened. i dunno whether i cn regain my strength again or never.

Vienna, Prague n Berlin are sensational. thanks to my reliable frens, Vienna n Berlin are much enjoyable than Prague ( that was bcoz im supposed 2 b da tour guide 4 Prague, but im not gud at it at all.n it was really2 cold.)

Vienna.hurm. Mozarthaus, the museums, the arts, paintings, ballet, opera. .WOW! at the opera house, we were the odd ones. haha. i remember the face of the well dressed adults watching us making our way up to our seats..we were like timid, ugly ducklings in the midst of beautiful, elegant swans. n Pakcik Paris sangat attracted to me n Wani.i know he wanted 2 talk 2 us much longer. but sorry, Abah said dun talk 2 strangers.hehe.i cant remember the title of the opera.but it was named after the lead character. n i hate her!!haha. but her voice, fuh, damn powerful.

Mozart. went 2 hear the small concert, Mozart pieces. i love Mozart. maybe bcoz back then in STF, Cikgu Azam asked us 2 do some research on the music geniuses, n i got 2 do on Mozart!well, somehow at da concert, my attention all went 2 da opera singers n the handsome ballet dancer..i love ballleeeeetttttttt so damn much!!!!

museums?adoi..museums r museums.need i say more?but really love the arts there.renaissance arts.gile r!!cantek nk mati!!

oh ye..n Kaiserin appartments. the vain Kaiserin Elisabeth of Austria punye museum.well, i did learn a lot here..

Prague. alamak. xbyk bleh crita. Prague is an old city, beautiful for sightseeing. old folks must have love it there. its beautiful. especially when u look over the Charles Bridge, its breathtakingly beautiful. Petrin Hill.gile penat panjat hill ni.it was snowing n the ground was slippery.but we made it there. fuh, another spot to c da whole Prague. n the boat trip, cruising along the Prague river(i cant remember the name)..its worth the pay. the boat pun sgt2 la lawa..

Berlin. sorry Atiya. by the time smpai Berlin, dh xde mud sgt nk jln2.rs nk balik Dublin sgt2.but Atiya is a great tour guide!museums,palace,city, smua kitorg redah..Berlin Wall la, Brandenburg Tor la, macam nk tercabut kaki jalan..tp still terkilan xdpt g tgk ballet Swan Lake.wua!!

balik2 Dublin plak, new sem plak start. so many things nk settlekn, tp xde mase.then today, went out wif Mai n Ida 2 da movie.tiring, but worth it. lame x hang out wif them n kinda miss it."he's not into u" is a great chick flick. yeah2, some men r juz not into some girls. ntah2, my situation pun cmtu gak, cume tunggu time je nk reveal.ntahla..

im tired!!!argh!!nk tdo, tp byk keje, n byk bnda nk kena pkir ni.adoiiii..

hurm. i miss abah n k.ipa n home.
owh, n thanx dena!!thanx for being a great fren!

ppuan ini gedik..tp sy syg die!

2009-01-26T23:32:00.000Z

AQUILA ADAM, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! dah tua awak tu.sorry terpakse guna gambar 2006.haha.gmbar 3 tahun lepas. but i dun have any recent picture of you now.smua ada dlm laptop lama. im sorry that i forgot to wish your birthday on time.im now in Vienna, so kinda lost track of date.but whatever it is, I LOVE YOU!

p/s: this girl is much2 cuter in real life than in dis pic.dats y i chose dis pic.HAHA

its 2mrw!

2009-01-25T16:55:00.001Z

i'll be starting my journey to Vienna tomorrow.

all i can wish is for dis journey 2 b a memorable one.
for all da gus reasons of coz.

n i hope i wont b da spoiler
n i really hope ill njoy myself throughout da vacation.

till then, buh-bye.

PAIN!

2009-01-21T20:18:00.006Z

i never experienced anything like dis before..
the pain was so excruciating till i cant even hold back my tears
usually, i dun cry whn im in pain since there's no use to cry pun.
but, this is another story.

i was outside the house, with no one to ask help from.
i cudnt walk, i cudnt think
people passing by was staring at me,
maybe 'what the hell is she doing?stuck beside the garbage bin' was in their mind
but i cudnt care less. i was in pain.REAL pain.

at that time, i juz wish the pain wud go away so i cn get into the house,
n not freezing outside( i was wearing only a layer of clothing)
n i juz wish i m able to walk to school for my last paper 2mrw.
n i juz wish i cn c some caring faces (hoping that will mk the pain go away somehow)

i was afraid to walk (after the pain subsided a little),
coz i was afraid i'll mk thing even more worse
i saw the stairs heading back to my basement house,
n i was like, 'oh crap!'. i cant possibly mk it 2 my room.

n now, im on my bed, bearing the left over pain (which r still intense),
n my i cant bend my knee. i cant do anything since the pain is in the joint.
bile weh nk baek ni?!m i disabled for the rest of my life already?
oh God, i miss squash,i miss tennis, i miss running, i miss jumping wif joy..

i shud be more than thankful..

2009-01-19T03:23:00.003Z

token of appreciation?maybe..

-my housemates

syara slalu cam concern bile dok dgr2 aku nanges dlm bilik (biase r tuh, aku mmg kuat berdrama, nanges tu xyah ckp r), tp takut gak die nk masuk campur..bile aku tgh cuak2 nak exam oral anatomy, smpai rs nk nanges gle2 (try gle control, tp x bjaya), housemates la yg dtg2 memujuk, syara n tiya dh lepas, so diorg gle2 nye convince me that it wont be bad, dok bagi semangat.wani plak siap offer nk tmn aku study lagi smbil dok pujuk2 aku gak (padahal die pon lum habes study)..to tell the truth, aku terkejut ngan diorg sbnrnye..aku x sangke gile diorg ni caring sampai mcm tu skali..dtg berkerumun kat dlm bilik, pujuk aku jgn nanges..fuhhh..mmg at the center of attention gle..x sangke gle yg korg kesah pasal aku..wah..terharu!

-hunky dorys

yup2.sejak kebelakangan ni ade beberapa issue yg mengganggu minda aku..serious gak la..i m not who i used to be..fokus dh beralih..drpd study ke tmpt laen..hala tuju idup pon dh xtau..tunggang terbalik dh..n akhirnye, aku amek inisiatif utk mintak advice kwn2 yg rapat..first, mya yg jadi mangsa..dhla tiap2 malam kena teman aku study, pastu asyek dok kena melayan luahan perasaan n abnormality aku ni..die pun cm dh risau dgn aku, sbb siyes aku dh jd pelik skrg ni..gle mcm2 advice die bg spy kwn die sorg ni sedar diri balik..tp die kate, die x rs mcm ape aku rs, so maybe kurang efektif sket la advice die. so then aku cr sheena plak..mintak pandangan n experience die plak..mcm2 nasihat gak die bg..wah, die pun risau gak!n nasihat2 die ni mmg buat aku rs yg die care..tersentuh gle r ngan mya n sheena, caring gle psl future aku..

dulu, aku mane ade byk kwn sgt..eh ade byk, tp smuanye on the surface je..baek2 gitu je..yg betul2 kesah klau aku stumble?no one..now?hurm..xtau dh nk rase bersyukur mcm mane..dlu gile nye rs mcm aku alone je kat dunia ni..nobody really cares bout me..now, people do care, people do spend time to listen to my probs..people do notice that i exist..

ok kwn2..aku akan try ok?ill be the ol' lina, i'll be strong and independent again. n i'll study hard. for a bright future. do continue on supporting me..thanx babes!

sayangnye aku kat korg smua!

p/s: oh yeah, thanx to b darling jugak! u r my pillar of strength.do remember that.

2009-01-18T18:16:00.002Z

FEAR.

shud i back out?

oh yeah, i shud.

life's a drama..

2009-01-15T01:27:00.006Z

time...please stop..
peace..please stay..
heart..please b strong..
love..please b pure..

the drape curtain has unveiled,
we r now open 2 the world 2 b judged,
the cold hard facts await us,
i fear 4 u, more thn i fear 4 myself.

5, 6, 7 or evn 8 years,
im afraid to wait, or to dream no more,
its like a drama without a script ,
nor n ending 2 put da heart at ease

oh dear,y m i tangled in this misery,
if only i tk the road not taken,
da gem has lost its beauty n shine,
throw me not, keep me not

i see the world laid upon me,
cant tk evn a single step further.
too scared, i feel like giving up,
im lost, oh i need help..

Mama..how i wish u r here..
i am s confused s i can be..
what othr mistakes wud i do
what othr regrets wud i have?

Ya Allah, please dun leave me all alone..

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Reinhold Niebuhr

the hard facts..

2009-01-13T21:05:00.002Z

tell me..
how can we know whom to trust?

tell me..
how can we know whose words to believe in?

tell me..
how can we know what awaits us in the future?

tell me..
how to be strong by being alone?

tell me..
how to be 'me' again..

tell me all i need 2 knw..

me n my drama

2009-01-10T21:13:00.002Z

mya shamsuddin: i just cant understand because i'm not in your situation right now
mya shamsuddin: have never been
mya shamsuddin: if at least i have the experience, i can give you some good advice
mya shamsuddin: the thing is, i dont!
mya shamsuddin: alamak
mya shamsuddin: kalau ikut apa aku rasa sekarang
mya shamsuddin: aku rasa kau ridiculous
mya shamsuddin: sorry if im being a little harsh
lina zulkifli: aku sndr pon rs aku ridiculous
mya shamsuddin: sorry sorry sorry
lina zulkifli: hukhuk
lina zulkifli: xpe2
mya shamsuddin: tapi you're 20 this year lina!
lina zulkifli: i knw
mya shamsuddin: enjoy your life first!
mya shamsuddin: why are you always thinking of giving it up for someone else
mya shamsuddin: LINA
mya shamsuddin: WAKE UP
mya shamsuddin: THIS IS AN ORDER
mya shamsuddin: WAKE THE FUCK UP
mya shamsuddin: amik ko
mya shamsuddin: keluar mencarut dah hahaha
lina zulkifli: wua!
lina zulkifli: mya!
lina zulkifli: aku pon dh xtauuuuuuuuu!
lina zulkifli: aku kena g terapi r
mya shamsuddin: aku pun rasa do

i cant wake up though i tried. im under hypnosis.
I NEED THERAPY!

2009-01-09T11:31:00.005Z

tanda2 bakal wanita bkerjaya..

after spending some of my precious time tidying up my room
(whn i shud b studying, instead)
the result was..

haha. im great, m i not?

dear syaza..hehe..

2009-01-07T18:48:00.002Z

dear syaza yg montel..

aku miss nk marah2 ko bile ko asyek makan chips..
aku miss nk btekak2 ngan ko..
aku miss nk giddy2 ngan ko, smpai mya tensen tgk kite..
aku miss nk dgr cdgn2 bodo ko..
aku miss nk dgr ko tanye, 'ape prob Cikgu Siti x masuk kls ari ni?'

weh!dgr ckp aku r..save duet ko tuh!jgn keje nk shopping jeeeeeeeeeeeee.
bile ko byk duet, ko leh jln2 ngan aku n mya nnti.hehehe.ada paham??

so-in-trouble.

2009-01-07T18:03:00.002Z

well..2009 turns out 2 b quite fabulous after all..

1) now i knw wht coagulation cascade is
2) now i knw where's the attachment site of adductors muscles
3) now i know da process of haemopoiesis.

......

4) now i knw i was wasting my whole 3 months before!!

y is daydreaming much easier than studying??hmmmppphhhhhh!!

y i took up medicine.

2009-01-05T13:11:00.002Z

Lina: i'm coming back mid of June!
Abh: so how bout Raya?
Lina: i'll be there till Raya. its in September.
Abh: oh..lamanya ur cuti.
Lina: yeah, its the whole Summer. almost 4months.
Abh: well, that's great. u cn start writing a journal on urself whn u come back home
Lina: errrr..^speechless^

da truth is abh, a journl is only for those who hv a life 2 share. sharing is not a prob, but living is.

i dun hv a life. lets put it tht way.

1)i dun hv a life bcoz i took up medic
2)i took up medic bcoz i knw i dun hv a life

yeah, 2nd one sounds better.n truer.
im s plain s i cn b.

vacation n vacation n vacation..

2009-01-04T18:40:00.003Z

sy org kaya baru.

exam is in 7 days away, but i juz spent n entire 3 hours planning on a vacation wif mya.

so much for studying heh?

london-paris-dubai-kl.

pergh.org kaya pun tau nk kumpul duet sndr.

tunggang terbalik study, cmne nk kaya?in ur dream la!

epy birthday my dear!

2009-01-03T23:54:00.004Z

i cant believe it has been a year! Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!

epy birthday 2 u..
epy birthday 2 u..
epy birthday dear uqail...
epy birthday 2 u..!

Maksu wishes u great years to come!
hope u'll b a gud boy,
a clever child,
n a gentleman in 20 years frm now.

i knw u still cant read,
n u dun undrstnd da world around u yet,
let alone knw anything bout da word 'blog',
but believe me, dis is my own way of saying i love u!
a thousand kisses n hugs for u.muah3!

2009

2009-01-03T22:05:00.004Z

it's 2009! 6 months n 2 days frm now i'll be 20. big fat 2 n 0.

damn. bye2 teenage years.

resolutions? dun think i evr need any coz im s perfect s i can b.no, im not lying.

yeah, im exaggerating.here goes..
1) diet! ainna is wif me on this.yeeeehhhaaa!
2) be hot. dunno how cn i achieve dis. it'll come around eventually.(hope so)
3) study hard. be like da othr mdcl students. beat them to da awards!
4) be a gud fren. stop being a bitch.
- quila dear, i'll b a listener plak pasni. i promise.
- syaza dear, u r alwiz MIA. u r da one dat shud mk new resolution.hehe
- ainna dear, u knw i luv u.sorry 4 da constant snapping.
- mya dear, feel free to xpress urself 2 me. i wont judge.dun wori.
- lipan dear, i miss u like hell.lets spent more time 2gether.
- jannah dear, we r s different s black n white. lets be grey 2gthr.
- fairuz dear, lets be gossip partner 4 life.XOXO
- ofia dear, u r s restless s u cn b. still, i njoyed being wif u
- sheena dear, where hv u been?lets be close again lk b4
- last but not least, my lovely dena, spend more time wif me la!aiya!u r alwiz too bz.:(
*still no 4*) be a gud girlfren. stop being a brat. n stop cari gado. be more undrstndg.
5) be a gud daughter.make abh proud. b a gud sister.help around in da house more oftn.
6) expand my social network.b more frenly n sweet. b outgoing n fun.
7) learn new language, learn to ride horse. learn to play golf. learn to play a muscl instrument.
8) lead a healthy lifestyle. no more choc, no more cookies, no more ice cream. no fast food 2!
9) stop being lazy!stop dilly-dallying. stop doing things on last minute.
10) spend less money.on food, on shopping.
10)most important: jgn tinggal solat. khatam Quran lg skali.

evn while im typing all this, i feel tht they r all byond my reach.HMMMPPPHHH.

a shorter version of my resolution: i juz want 2 b fabulous in dis brand new yer!
yeah. that sounds better. n easier.

dis is love..

2008-10-27T02:30:00.003Z

yeah, i know im a good n loving maksu.:P. miss.miss.miss.

uqail, alwiz looked at me wif the big eyes whenever i was babbling at him, izzul wif the cheekiness n naughtiness, knw how to use his smile whnvr he's done smtg wrong, amir wif his toys n barney, alwiz asked me to play n sing along (to barney of coz), humaira wif da puppy dog eyes, begging me to tk her n carry her around. how cn i not love u guys?u r my precious jewels!

absence makes the heart grows fonder.

2008-10-22T17:44:00.005+01:00

MYA: she's my deskmate. very patient when it comes to handling me n Syaza. both me n Syaza loves to have fun n bermalas2an, but she's the one that makes sure our homeworks r done on time. people, especially me, alwiz asked ofr her already done homework.very rajin lorh ini budak. we can spent hours gossipping n pouring our hearts out to each other.

LIPAN: we r like yin n yang.black n white. im so damn gedik, but she's the cool n tomboyish type. my beloved roommie!! as alwiz, gossip cni sana, crite cni sana.almost no secret lorh!

AINNA: we alwiz argue, even for the smallest reason. she's so hyper n that annoyed me..she's like alwiz over-caffeinated. but i still love u ainna.u r as dramatic as me. n yes, we made a good shopping team.hehe

FAIRUZ: i miss having u around in the room. coz u alwiz secretly staring at me. i dun knw y. maybe u r criticizing my pimples or my curly hair or whatever. n u r so TRANSPARENT that it makes me wanna laugh out loud sometimes when u talked bout this guy or that guy, pretending that u dun have feelings or whatsoever. u r funny n clueless, u know? :D

JANNAH: jannah n her list of crushes. adoi.penat nak layan. but u r a shoulder to cry on. i love u for that.alwiz a fren in need.

DENA: hyper terlebih. n mengade2!hehe.aku tau ko takut ngan temper aku kan?tlgla stop wat lawak bodoh diana oi.hehe.

SHEENA: alwiz so busy wif her own life. but i knw she's still a fren indeed. aliwz there when i need u, n i miss studying wif u till late at nights. u rock babe!

OFIA: never-ending energy. 2 busy wif her studies.always on the go.but somehow, i still managed to talk 2 u once in a while.thank god.

alhamdulillah.

2008-10-22T16:58:00.003+01:00

Too Phat Feat. Yasin - Alhamdulillah

Disaat waktu berhenti…kosong
Dimensi membutakan mata,memekakkan telinga
Lalu diri menjadi hampa
Saat paradigma dunia tak lagi digunakan untuk menerka*
Sadarku akan hadirmu,mematahkan sendi2 yang biasanya tegak berdiri

Yassin:
Ult li albi bissaraha (I’m opening up my heart with honesty)Hayya nab’idil karaha (Let’s avoid the hated and hatred)Syakkireena a’ kulli ni’ma (Let’s remain thankful with what we have)Ba’ ideena anil fattana (Let’s avoid all lies and sins)

Malique:
Merenungi luar jendela,mengagumi kebesaran yang Maha Esa
Ku menilai kehidupan dari sudut berbeza
Tak memadai hanya kecapi rasa selesa
Maukan harta yang mampu beli 1 semesta
Berpesta ke pagi botol bergelimpangan
Kekasih muda bukan takat berpegang tangan
Harta dan jamuan nafsu tidak berkekalan
Bila menjelang tua bukan itu jadi bekalan
Dan jangan puisi ini disalah tafsir pula
Bukan berkhutbah cuma betuli diri jua
Ingin hidup sempurna aset nilai berjuta,saling tukar wanita,senyum dan mati tua
Bakat dikurnia jangan disalah gunaJangan kufur nikmat yang diberi percuma
Guna kelebihan untuk hikmah bersamaJagalah nama hidup penuh pementasan dan drama
Ada berisi ada yang kurus,ada melencong ada yang lurus bukan semuanya tulus
ada sempuna ada kurang upaya ada yang jadi buta hanya bila sudah kaya
Sebesar rumah bermula dengan sekecil bata,boleh hilang dalam sekelip mata
Ucaplah alhamdulillah bukannya sukar, kerna semana kaya atau besar
Tetap Allahuakbar!!!

Joe Flizzow:
Jadikanlah ku tentera Fisabilillah yang tertera di kalimah harap memanduilah
Entah apabila persimpangan tiba,hidup penuh rintangan harus kuhadapinya
Harapku tidak terlupa diri bila gembira,dan cuma mula mencari kau disaat hiba
Ku cuma manusia penuh dengan kesilapan tapi bisa membezakan cahaya dan kegelapan
Tabah bila dihalangan duri onak dan cobaan
Teguh bila dicobakan keruh kuasa dan perempuan
Sentiasa legar diminda,dikejar dan dipinta dari zaman bermula hingga ke akhirnya
Ku mengerti siapa ku tanpamu disisi dan apa guna posesi juga posisi
Sementara ini cuma hanya puisi,nukilan tulisan dan bisikan isi hati
Mencari keterangan,menjiwai peranan menepati pesanan janji juga saranan
Alhamdulillah atas kurniaan rezeki,moga tidak terleka dalam perjalanan ini

Ahli Fiqir:
Aku yang memandang di dalam lubuk hati,mencari-cari zat rahsia yang katanya tersembunyi
Aku yang melihat alam meliputi wujud menyertai lalu ku pindahkan alam ke dalam mata hati
Aku hakiki,aku mengerti segala yang terjadi di langit dan di bumi
Gunanya tiada fantasi, pelik dan benar,qada’ dan qadar kau berilah ku kekuatan
Agar dapat ku hindarkan segala kesesatan
Usah kau biar nafsuku terliur dari pandangan majazi ini,aku yang hodoh lagi hina amat benar merindui
Moga cahaya lailatul tak membutakan mataku,semoga segala puji tak ku meninggi diriMoga segala janji dapat juga ku penuhi,moga dapatku hadapi tikaman dari belakang
Lidah setajam pisau, ku tidak akan risau dengan dugaan cabaran sepanjang perjalanan
Ku pasrah ku akur 7,8,6 Alhamdulillah Syukur…

Dian Sastro:
Sujudku pun takkan memuaskan inginku‘tuk hanturkan* sembah sedalam kalbu
Adapun kusembahkan syukur padamu ya Allah
Untuk nama,harta dan keluarga yang mencinta
Dan perjalanan yang sejauh ini tertempa
Alhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatan
Yang membuat hamba mengerti lebih baik makna diri
Semua lebih berarti akan mudah dihayati
Alhamdulillah,Alhamdulillah,Alhamdulillah..

Not to preach, not to be goody2..
but juz trying to reflect, what i've been missing or ignoring in my whole life
seen n heard a lot, but nvr learnt..
19 years of living, wht hv i done on my part?
all i care bout is my selfishness,
i forgot dat all i have now can be lost in a juz a blink of n eye.
i forgot to compare myself, to those sleeping on the street,
barely hv anything to eat or smtg to keep them warm..

i have my family, frens n my b
but dear, im 2 cmfrtble wif wht i hv now,
till i 4got about the one dat gv me all of these,
Subhanallah...

A big destroyer

2008-08-13T15:42:00.004+01:00

EGO. a sumthg in our mind that is always in control. whether u notice it or u dun. so powerful, more than money itself, or even love.

y do we feel da need to be ego?

we dun wanna lose.
we dun wanna look weak.
we dun wanna admit we r wrong.
we wanna look smart.
we wanna look like we knw it all.
we wanna believe we r right.

do we need to b ego?

well, depends..

the indescribable pleasure, a feeling so good, almost addictive..
yet, b prepared to put ur relationships wif the others around u at stake.

"Life is all about choosing..."

n i wud choose to say...n egoistic person is juz plain stupid.

oh mickey2 u so fine, u so fine, u blow up my mind.hey mickey!

2007-12-01T01:33:00.002Z

my posts have been all dramatic and poetic.
ok, now let's juz get serious.

i hate to c my frens get hurt
i hate 2 c them wanting one guy
the SAME guy.

4 girls wanting one guy.fuhhh~~

juz stop denying. i knw what's having a crush is like.
i have one major crush too.remember?

FORGET HIM. he's not worthwhile.
ok2, he's charming. he's funny, he's kind. n he's damn ELOQUENT.oh n,he wanted u guys' attention.
its normal, he's a guy.

but what's not normal is, 4 close frens wanting the same guy!
uh-huh, no one's gonna win this.trust me.
n he knows that too. he won't let any one of you win also.
ADOI.

k now, say: ADIEU!

thanx!

2007-11-27T01:04:00.001Z

thank u.thank u.thank u.that's all i can say.im speechless.

ive lived wif u 4 1 n a half yer. in the mean time, i couldnt deny,
there were small disputes btwn us,sumtimes, we tended to loath each other,
but i knw n believed, it's juz a matter of inconsistent mood.

but last nite,u did the unexpected.i was surprised by ur thoughts n gestures
which contained 100% sincerity.u really is a fren indeed.

when i could thnk of nothing else,except for the hurt othrs caused me,
my tears started flowing without i evn realising it.im not pretending 2 be hurt,
i am hurt n u knw it.

u seriously listened n empathized,sitting by my side,giving me the soothing words n warm hugs,
though my tears flowed uncontrollably,i cant helped,but be touched.

thanx my beloved roommie!im sure gonna miss living with u,
when we gone our sparate ways.after all, u r one of the hunky dories,
whom i love so much!

TRULY.MADLY.DEEPLY

2007-11-21T05:09:00.001Z

when people asked me,
''y him?'
i shrugged,
coz i got no definite answer.

sometimes, we juz dun need a reason.
n i like that.

it's enuf 4 me,
when looking at our pic,
I beamed wif contentment,
knowing that he completes me,
in his own special way.

FUCK OFF!!

2007-11-14T14:16:00.002Z

ASSHOLE.
DAMN RITE. U r a freakingly ugly, rejected asshole.
Who got none at all sense of respect 4 others.
How else can I describe u eh?
a miserable mommy’s boy!

if ur life sucks,
n got nothing else to it except for urself n ur study,
so, dun suck mine!
Sorry r, though I lead a pathetic life,
At least I have a life.of my own.

Get a grip r mister,
u think u r so clever?
u think u r so great?
U think everybody likes the childish u?
U think when people laugh at ur sarcastic retorts,
U think it’s because they r funny??
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit/humour
Therefore, a conclusion: u hv the stupidest wits ever,
if u ever hv any.

Here’s a fact (in case u dun knw it by now):
No wonder u dun get any girl by ur side
Coz u r naturally a jerk!

Get it?
A JERK!

p/s: pardon the cruel words Mr, coz u deserve every fucking letter!

"Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours."- Ludwig van Beethoven

2007-11-07T06:09:00.002Z

‘nak wat keje kat cni.’ oh, that's Mya.

‘aku nak wat keje kat cni la.’ then Ainna 5 minutes later

‘nak wat keje kat cni gak’. the never-wanna-be-left-out Fairuz.

Couldnt help but smiling:P

We argued (me n Ainna most of the time.),get annoyed (they alwayz complained bout my messy room.cehs!), laughed ( that's the cue for crazy Dena, or Lipan, or Ainna.kadang2 overslept Jannah. Mya n Fairuz subtle sket.), share stuffs (yes, it's F-O-O-D, n tshirts.)

at this moment,cant help but wonder,After all of us gone our own ways, will we still have these days?Will I miss u all?

I dunno. I may be wishing for a time-machine from God one day.

I want to keep laughing n arguing for no reason at all. I want to be able to b myself, n b comfortable.

babes, thank you. u guys left a mark, surely permanent.